Thursday, January 27, 2011

Steven Tyler is the new Paula Abdul

I don't watch American Idol often, but I did last night in a fit of boredom and it was totally worth it for these three minutes. You may be thinking it's because of this young man's touching, heartbreaking story and lovely voice, but you'd be wrong. He's clearly a special person and I sympathize with what he has gone through, but the real gold starts at about 1:45, when the judges bring in Chris' handicapped girlfriend...I'll let you see for yourself.

American Idol was going for tearjerking, but the tears I cried were ones of laughter due to the judges' failure to be anything but awkward. See 1:47, when J.Lo introduces herself to the young woman, "Hi, I'm Jennifer (slight pause) Lopez." You know, the super famous one. Then, Steven Tyler turns it into a homerun by invading the personal space of a handicapped girl who he just met, stroking her hair, whispering in her ear, and KISSING her twice.

Um, what?? Inappropriate police!! Let's kiss and hug strangers who have no way of protesting or even backing away from us if they feel uncomfortable! Why? Because we're celebrities!! They are SO LUCKY to meet us!! I just love giving back.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Can I go back to cleveland now?

Although it doesn't snow as much here in Gunnison, CO, I'm missing Utah and Ohio winters right now. Gunnison is one of the coldest places in the continental US.

It is SO cold that...
1. even with the pellet furnace and my space heater running all day, the house still doesn't totally warm up on the colder days.
2. my car battery died...and couldn't be revived after over an hour hooked up to another car's battery because it was too cold.
3. the streets are NEVER free of snow/ice even if it hasn't snowed in a week because it's too cold to melt.
4. if you stand outside at night for more than a minute you can feel the snot freezing inside your nose.
5. I've started wearing socks indoors. I hate socks.

No one warned me about this.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

lots of links

I'm being a total hack in this post because I just stumbled across a crop of really funny websites/submission blogs. You know, like cakewrecks? Everytime I turn around, more of these pop up and they're all so hilarious I waste a half hour on every one without realizing it.
Surgeon General Warning: Do not click on any of these if you have a paper to write or laundry to do or a souffle in the oven, etc. I am not responsible for any time losses incurred as a result of these websites. - Just another reason not to get an iphone! - We've all gotten gifts like this. I love how many of them are cat-related. - I was laughing the most at this one. I can't figure out why distorted celebrity drawings amuse me so much. The Robert Pattinson one is amazing. - Making fun of food network hosts, which is all too easy when it comes to certain ones (*coughsandraleecough*). Whoever writes this site is devilishly witty!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

So disappointed in myself

I'm in the middle of the Twilight series right now. *ashamed face* I blame this man.

I know you can't tell from this picture, but his abs could bring about world peace. Or at least peace in my world, which is why, in an attempt to get on the good side of his mother, I agreed to give Twilight a try. I'd seen the movies and was underwhelmed, to say the least. Although Taylor Lautner's abs are a nice reward for suffering through the movies' underwhelmingness!

mmmmmm. that's nice.

Despite my vow to never read the series, which I'd heard were somewhat poorly written and just cheap, unrealistic fluff for silly schoolgirls, I found myself engrossed enough after the first book to continue plowing through. I'm currently on page 381 of book 4 after starting the first book less than three weeks ago. *another ashamed face* After having read half the series, it's easy to see why they are so successful and yet so censured.


-Bella is very likeable in the books. She's awkward and clumsy, but also humble, selfless, smart, and trustworthy.

-Stephenie Meyer has definitely fabricated a story that keeps the reader wanting more. The desire to see what happens next is the only thing that's kept my eyes racing from one page to the next.

-Edward's (and Jacob's) devotion to Bella is heart-melting. The idea of a man, or two men in this case, being so utterly, incomprehensibly commited to and in love with you, flaws and all, is intoxicating.


-Edward and Jacob's unrealistic obsession with Bella. While many women (and gay men?) are seduced by the intensity of the romance, I'm a little too cynical to give it any credit. I also don't believe in the idea of soul mates, so maybe this would be more plausible for those who do.

- The simplistic writing. Although Meyer is a good storyteller and paints some nice descriptions here and there, her style is not sophisticated. The sentences are short and simple, with a mostly basic vocabulary. The books are very easy to skim and I find myself occasionally skipping over whole paragraphs when I can tell they don't contain any vital or interesting information. This could also be considered a pro, I suppose, since it makes for a quick read. To put it briefly, you're not getting any smarter from reading these books.

-A lack of overarching plot, or purpose to the series. While each book seems to have its own struggle or malevolent force to overcome, there's (so far, almost done with the 4th book) no plot thread binding all the books together, like in Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or the His Dark Materials trilogy. Hell, even Star Wars. It's just a peek into the lives of some fantastical creature humans, with no hint at when we'll know they've achieved their happily ever after.

-I've noticed a trend of telling instead of showing when it comes to character illustration. Instead of showing us a personality trait by watching how a character acts in a given situation, Meyer just tells us straight up that so-and-so is this way. Although it hasn't hindered the books' success, it's a rather elementary and forgettable writing style.

p.s. in case you were wondering, I'm team abs Jacob.