Monday, September 7, 2009

The Office Manifesto

I'm not even that into either version of the show; it's just that people around here have been SO annoying lately about talking about how the American version is better than the British one, AND everyone I've talked to who argues that has not seen more than one or two episodes.
Basically the reason why the BBC version is better is because the American one is the exact same show with the exact same main characters with almost the exact same script. The American re-make is completely unnecessary, a greedy and redundant endeavor on the part of everyone involved. They're not saying anything new or insightful with it, and I'm pretty sure the only reason it was created was because they had this fantastic product with the BBC version but it was only having marginal success in America since most Americans are too idiotic to be able to embrace something that's not being shoved down their throats during every commercial break of Grey's Anatomy.
So what to do? How to tap the American market with this show that so obviously merits attention and success? Just re-cast it with more attracti
ve people and slap it on NBC primetime! (see below for side by side comparisons of the attractiveness levels of the corresponding characters so you can judge for yourself if this is not the case) Of course, why didn't we think of it before?!! Americans are too close-minded and ethnocentric to accept an original and exceptionally well-written and -acted show if the actors look like regular people and have natural British accents. Duh. How naive of us to ever expect otherwise! I can't believe we waited this long to make petty alterations so as to conform to the mold of every other primetime sit-com and reinforce the convoluted American standards that suppress diversity and encourage ignorance and complacency. God forbid they have to reach outside their comfort bubble to experience something worthwhile, so we'll just cater to their laziness.
On an irrelevant-to-my-argument note, I do think Gareth would kick Dwight's ass and that Ricky Gervais is just too tough an act to follow. Steve Carell isn't half as annoying.




originally posted 12/13/06

UGH! I've edited the layout of the pictures multiple times so they're actually side by side but they always go back to doing that... oh well you get the idea.

blanket movie review

Well I just got back from seeing Step Up at the dollar theater and unfortunately must now add it to my list of movies where my main reaction was "too much plot." Seriously, think about it...does anyone go to see movies like "Step Up," "Bring It On," "Drumline," "High School Musical," or "Stick It" for the plot? Of COURSE not. So when will the people who make these movies figure out that they're putting way too much plot (or more accurately, effort at a plot) in these movies and not nearly enough dancing/singing/marching band/gymnastics/general performing? If you want plot, go rent Memento or an M. Night Shyamalan movie or something. But not Lady in the Water, I heard that sucked big time.
In essence, these movies should ideally be a succession of, oh, maybe a dozen or 15 innovative performance scenes strung together by some sort of pithy and shallow romance story with minimal dialogue and lots of making out, kind of like the second Matrix movie (obviously replacing fighting with performing). There was way too much plot in Step Up. One of the characters even died, for crying out loud. What is that??! No way should this type of movie attempt anywhere near that level of seriousness.

For all the marching band nerd like me, here's...well, something you've probably already seen.

originally posted 10/19/06

I wish that scooter still worked.

I was riding dirty on my scooter, Reggie, the other day, and Reggie is not endowed with all the awesome rapid acceleration powers of your average car.

me and Reg circa July 2006

It's not a huge difference, it's just like, when I'm sitting at a stoplight with other cars, they'll get going at a better pace more quickly than I can when the light turns green. It might be a slight annoyance for the more gas-pedal happy driver behind me, but I'm not exactly holding up traffic when everyone is just accelerating to get to the next red light 500 feet ahead.
So this big stupid tan SUV was behind me the other night, and they were stuck behind me for a stretch cause of turning and lanes and junk. Finally it was able to pass me and the driver craned his neck around to give me some really dirty looks because I was not going fast enough to enable him to race to be the first one to arrive at the next red light.
I almost felt concerned for a moment, but then I remembered that he's supporting terrorists and I'm not since he drives a vehicle that probably uses about $70 worth of gas every week or two, whereas I drive a vehicle that uses, oh, $3 worth of gas, and that gas comes mostly from countries that are mostly run by terrorist groups, so by using so much gas unnecessarily when he could've bought a station wagon, or God forbid, a sedan (my parents made it work with 4 kids!), he's sending a bunch of extra money to those countries where the terrorists get to keep it. So screw you, SUV guy! I wish you would've suddenly and dangerously swung your car around in front of me, blocking me and forcing me to stop so you could yell at me about how you're not going to get home in time for sunday night football (wrong season? I don't know) or whatever because I would've totally let you have it. You think I'm being selfish, driving my little scooter, not going 20 miles over the speed limit on State Street, regardless of the other cars on the road? I'll tell you what selfish is, you in your macho SPORT UTILITY vehicle that you drive to the GROCERY STORE every other day.
Anyway, enough ranting for now. Just to clarify, I know that it's not possible for everyone to drive scooters since some people have legitimate needs to haul big stuff and other human beings and whatnot, but even so, very few of those people have hauling needs that merit a 16 mpg monstrosity.

originally posted 8/1/06

me complaining about vh1 four years ago

I, for one, am sick of VH1 playing the same half dozen videos over and over again in the middle of the night when I'm trying to study and need some nice background music. It's worse than radio, really. I mean, at least radio has 80's night once in a while so I can be reminded of all the shitty, annoying songs that were popular 20 years ago.

1. "Photograph" by SwitchNickelCreedFoot of 3 Mudd Doors or whatever other talentless Candian Christian-crossover band that just released a single

more proof that nickelback sucks:

2. "Fix You" by Coldplay but really it's just Gwyneth Paltrow's husband walking around a city at night

3. "Wake Me Up When This Song Ends" by Greenday

news flash! spiky hair hasn't been cool since the first half of the 90s.

4. "Another song that nobody cares about where I walk around strumming my guitar and flaunting my hot 42 year old body" by Sheryl Crow

I stole this awesome image from Well done, my friend!

5. [Insert title of any Weezer song here] by Weezer where Rivers stares, expressionless, into the camera while surrounded by a bunch of horny teenagers. To be fair, I don't know if old school Weezer videos were all like this but they sure as hell all are now.

Do we need to put him on suicide watch?

6. Don't even get me started on U2. Honestly, the guys think they're gods or something. I mean, they named their cd "How to dismantle an atomic bomb." Hurry, alert the CIA that they can cancel any new agent training they've scheduled and purchase 800,000 copies of the new U2 cd.

That's it, I'm switching over to infomercials during my all night cram sessions and paper writings.

originally posted 11/16/05

Alternative to birth control vis-a-vis cramp control

"Sooner or later after childbirth and breastfeeding, your menstrual cycle will resume. But here's a welcome side effect: You may have fewer bothersome cramps. Some women even find that menstrual pain ceases altogether after pregnancy and childbirth. This pain reduction is a well-known phenomenon, but no one knows for sure why it occurs. One theory is that childbirth eliminates some of the prostaglandin receptor sites in the uterus. Prostaglandins, hormones that direct the uterus to contract during labor, also play a role in monthly menstrual pain. The upshot? Fewer pain-receptor sites, fewer cramps." -MSN article about the good side effects of pregnancy

I was on the NuvaRing for 4 months for period regulation and pretty much hated every second of it. Looks like I need to get myself knocked up...

originally posted 4/13/05

Sunday, September 6, 2009

In the beginning, there was the internet. And on the first day, God created blogs so that man might vent his feelings in a free and unrestricted manner. And on the second day, God created so that the teenagers might have a place to partake of the new Blink 182 video and read about who Audrina was indeed sighted canoodling with at Les Deux. And on the third day, God created Myspace, a place for bands, but which was swiftly taken over by webcam whores and self-indulgent emos. And yea verily, God looked upon this creation and saw that it Was the Sodom and Gomorrah of social networking sites, and thusly on the fourth day, God created facebook, And he saw that It was good. And on the Fifth day he rested, because he is Almighty God and can take a break on Friday instead of Sunday if he doth feel like it. But on the sixth Day, he created the facebook status update for he did see that man doth revel in self-advertisement and short attention span. And on the seventh day came twitter, of its own accord and yea not of God's creation, for man didst decide that blogs are passé and too long and whiny, and anything you want to express can be expressed in 140 characters or less anyway. Or maybe not if you're Paula Abdul.
Despite having slightly missed the bandwagon, it was time for a public blog. A blog into which I put nothing that I'm not ok with anyone who might stumble across it knowing. A blog into which I only put things that I think might be semi-amusing or worthwhile for a stranger to read. Hence on that note, the following dozen or so entries will be an amalgam of the better blog posts from other blogs I've had.
Just to sum up though, my intended purposes for this blog are ranting, raving, movie reviews (very occasional), and links to cool stuff. Most of my cool stuff I get from though. Except that bacon kid clip. I saw that way before it was ever on geekologie!!